Aug 13, 2008
Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
Recently I missed my 20 year high school reunion due to the obvious condition of Gimp Foot and an underlying case of Cold Feet. Not so sure I wanted to see ALL of the people I went to St. Thomas Aquinas High School with. Although it wasn't completely bad---I received a really wonderful education that enabled me to go to an excellent college, graduate cum laude and subsequently become an alcoholic who works in a grocery store. Needless to say, staying at home in bed reading a massive pile of library books sounded really, really OK after visualizing myself standing in my high school cafeteria feeling surly and holding on to a ginger ale with a death grip. Ambivalent does not even begin to sum it up. Avoiding conversations about my present state of being seemed, ummm, integral to maintaining my sanity. Ok, yeah, I'm a total chicken shit. But really, I seriously couldn't get out of bed or put my foot down.
The one thing that I always thought was cool about my high school was that they offered Latin. Nevertheless, I decided to take Spanish for 3 years instead because I knew I could cruise by and spend most of the time gossiping with my high school best friend J. en espanol instead of actually having to study anything. I felt smugly sorry for all of the Anglo kids who struggled with the language and would get bored and sneak out to chain smoke in the bathroom. Being secretly Cuban never felt so good again.
My justification for avoiding Latin like the plague was that I was conserving my energy for AP Chemistry and Anatomy and Physiology. Really, I felt scared shitless of Latin. Fascinated, but not up for the challenge. Intimidated by the cream of the crop rich kids that were crammed into that classroom. Probably this was all a foreshadowing of my secret penchant for taking the easy way out (ie, vodka) that would rear its ugly head somewhere midway through my freshman year of college.
So in honor of my alma mater, here are some phrases I definitely wouldn't have learned in high school Latin class. Enjoy the raging nerdiness!
Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc: "we gladly feast on those who would subdue us" (actually, this is the mock Latin motto of the Addams Family but whatever, it's my blog)
Ubi nihil vales, ibi nihil velis: "Where you are worth nothing, there you will wish for nothing" (that pretty much sums up high school for me)
Amor et melle et felle est fecundissmismus: "love is rich with both honey and venom"
Asinus asinum fricat: "the jackass rubs the jackass" (Bush and Cheney, anyone?)
Cave laborem: "beware of work" (I'm going to use this as my email signature)
Descensus in cuniculi cavum: "The descent into the cave of the rabbit" (curiouser and curiouser!)
In omnibus requiem quaesivi, et nusquam inveni nisi in angulo cum libro: "Everywhere I have searched for peace and nowhere found it, except in a corner with a book"
Nemo saltat sobrius: "Nobody dances sober" (that would pretty much sum up the past year of my life)
Odi profanum vulgus et arceo: "I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away" (perhaps my family motto)
Post Coitum Omne Animal Triste Est: "After sexual intercourse every animal is sad"
Noli me tangere: "do not touch me"
Amicule, deliciae, num is sum qui mentiar tibi? "Baby, sweetheart, would I lie to you?"
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem: "In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags."
Diabolus fecit, ud id facerem!: "The devil made me do it!"
Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione: "I'm not interested in your stupid religious cult."