Monday, January 24, 2011

Get Ready...

I am getting ready to do the Crazy Sexy Diet 21 Day Cleanse, so now is the time to phase out the coffee and eat my way through all of my protein bars, primal strips and fake meat in my fridge and freezer! I love how Kris Carr refers to meat substitutes as "methadone". Honestly, I am more worried about 21 days without seitan than I am about 21 days of no sugar and juicing like a motherfucker! Some one's got a fake meat problem...but to quote a sticker I once saw, "Fake Meat Saves Lives". So there! By the time I transition for a week and then do the 21 days, it will be time for my birthday and then I can roll around in a trough of seitan if I so desire.

Today's eats and drinks:
AM: grande soy latte, toasted cranberry luna bar
snack: coffee with soy milk
lunch: tofu pad thai, green juice, fresh strawberries
snack: spinach artichoke hummus on 2 multigrain rye flats, watermelon juice with green kamut powder, jasmine green tea
dinner: gardein turkey breast, big organic salad with cucumbers, soy bleu cheese and vegan ranch dressing.
dessert: fresh strawberries
snack: vega protein powder with hemp milk
2 liters water

Sadly, a large latte piggybacked with a cup of coffee is actually less coffee than I usually drink! I was laughing my ass off reading all of the outraged posts on Twitter about Starbuck's new Trenta. Really? More than the human stomach can hold? Not this human stomach, baby. I've been drinking coffee like a Cuban viking with an axe to grind for years. I'll see your Trenta and raise you a 24 oz Dunkin Donuts black coffee. Starbucks is tame by comparison. God, my adrenals need some TLC.

Crazy Sexy Diet: book review

Yes, I am an unabashed fan of Kris Carr. I've read all of her other books, so when Crazy Sexy Diet came out, I rushed to get it despite my recent moratorium on all books with "Diet" in the title. Even though there's so much in the book that I've come across elsewhere, I just love the way she puts it all together. Not only is the information well organized, but the layout of the book is awesome. Everything is attractive and accessible, right down to the font, pictures and colors that she uses. All of the "guest columns" in the book are informative. I especially liked the Frank Lipman piece on Vitamin D, and her suggestions on supplementation were right on. Her writing style makes me giggle. She actually *motivates* me instead of making me want to starve myself in a cave. Any "diet" where I don't starve, I don't have to eat meat and dairy and where I am strongly suggested to meditate is A-OK with me.

There are some studies briefly mentioned in Crazy Sexy Diet. The nerdy little researcher in me would have liked foot notes and research/study citations, but we can't always get everything we want...maybe next time, Kris? Pretty please with yacon syrup on top?

I also would have loved more recipes, although the ones she included look pretty tasty. I am especially excited to try the vanilla chai tapioca pudding.

I am definitely going to give the 21 Day cleanse a spin, as I am feeling particularly gross after all of the vegan junk food I have been indulging in while I've been recuperating (read: sulking) from my hand surgery. Definitely letting my lack of mobility be the excuse for living on Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies, Tofurkey vegan roasted veggie pizza, organic popcorn with Earth Balance and english muffins. WTF? Some one's going to have to roll me out of my apartment soon, like Violet Beauregarde in Willie Wonka and The Chocolate Factory: "Would you roll the young lady down to the juicing room immediately, please?"

Here is a link to an excerpt from the book as well as a video appearance from Kris Carr on Good Morning America:

And here's my personal favorite green smoothie for newbies recipe, straight from my test kitchen:

Mo' Greens, No Problems Smoothie
1/2 cup organic apple juice
1/2 cup hemp milk
three handfuls of spinach or 4-5 dinosaur kale leaves
1 tbs chia seeds
1 scoop plain or vanilla vegan protein powder
2 tsp E3 live blue green algae flakes or Crystal Manna flakes
1 tbs vegan EFA blend or flax oil (Barlean's vegan berry 3/6/9 blend is ridiculously good in this)
agave or stevia to taste (optional)
handful of mixed organic berries

The trick to not getting chunks in your green smoothie, even if you have a crappy blender on its last legs like mine, is to put the fluids in first, including the oil. Then add the greens, and if you are using kale, de-stem it and tear it apart with your hands. Blend until everything looks smooth and green. Slowly add the powders one at a time and blend after each one. Add the fruit last and if it gets too thick, add some water to thin it out. I usually don't sweeten mine, but if you have a sweet tooth do what you need to do, OK? If you want a super green colored smoothie, you can also substitute half of a banana or peaches for the berries---the color will be much more intense.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

When Zombie Fingers Attack

I can't stop watching Bollywood movies. The entire time I've been recovering from surgery, I've been hanging out in my bunny slippers watching anything Bollywood that I can get my hands on. They make me happy. Complete escapism. And I'm obsessed with Shahid Kapoor (see lusciousness above), who is possibly the hottest man on Earth and just so happens to be a vegetarian.

I can finally type with both hands without crying tears of pain! My hand surgeon took my splint and bandages off today and I am flying my freak finger flag high. Not a pretty sight, but I'm just grateful I didn't hack the damn thing off. Yeah, it hurts like hell and looks like a zombie Caucasian Jimmy Dean sausage (complete with Latina jaundice from being bandaged for over a month), but it's my fat little zombie finger and I love it. So grateful I have insurance and access to good medical made me sad today to see that the health care bill was voted down. Everyone needs equal access to health care, period. If I hadn't had insurance when I had this accident, I would have been so screwed--and I was washing dishes for chrissakes, not doing extreme sports or anything dangerous.

Had the best lunch today: roasted golden beets, sunshine kale salad and lemon tofu. I have been jonesing for kale. And green juicer will be coming here soon. My brother is having the contents of our storage shed moved out here to Vegas---can't wait!!!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Superior Catholic Finger

Can't type much right now as I had surgery on my finger due to a dishwashing accident. No, I am not kidding. So I'm resurrecting another oldie but goodie from one of my previous blogs in honor of my Superior Catholic Finger:

Books Ever Recovering/Ex/HalfAssed/Angry Former Catholic Should Own
May. 26th, 2008 at 2:10 PM

I found this in a folder I brought with me from Florida (why this folder and not the 20 other ones in my trunk? Don't know) of stuff that I wanted to put into my 'zine, Superior Catholic Finger. There's a ton more books that could be on this list, but there are only so many hours in the day... I re-wrote a lot of it since it's over 10 years old, written in sharpie on legal paper. Man, I loved sharpies and legal paper back when I was a zine freakazoid.

1. Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence
Found this in college and spent many hours hidden under the covers in my freshman dorm room so that no one saw me reading it. Recently, I saw the beginning of an episode of the L Word that starts off with a bus full of nuns. One of them is reading this, and then proceeds to get it on with another nun on the bus covertly. Hells yeah.
2. Eunuchs For The Kingdom Of Heaven: Women, Sexuality and the Catholic Church by Uta Ranke Heinman and Peter Heinegg.
I remeber that I got so angry when I was reading this that my skin felt hot. Catholicism still has that effect on me. Scary.
3. Saints Preserve Us!: Everything You Need to Know About Every Saint You'll Ever Need by Sean Kelly.
I believe this was the little gem that introduced me to Saint Bibiana, the patron saint of hangovers. So *that's* who I was invoking all of those times I spent draped over my toilet bowl! I think I should go into business making Saint Bibiana toilet seat covers. Bet they'd go over great here in Las Vegas. Every casino should take stock in them immediately...
4. Any Jesuit conspiracy theory book (no, Foucault's Pendulum does not count!)
5. Discipline and Punish:The Birth Of The Prison by Michel Foucalt (but Foucault himself does count, ha ha)
"On 2 March 1757 Damiens the regicide condemmed 'to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris', where he was to be 'taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds'; then, 'in the said cart, to the place de Greve, where, on a scaffold that will be erected there, the flesh will be torn from his breasts, arms, thighs and calves with red-hot pincers, his right hand, holding the knife with which he committed the said parricide, burnt with sulphur, and,on those places where the flesh will be torn away, poured molten lead, boiling oil, burning resin, wax and sulphur melted together and then his body drawn and quartered by four horses and his limbs and body consumed by fire, reduced to ashes and his ashes thrown to the winds" No, he's not talking about the first day of Catholic school, but sometimes I think he really might have been...givien the Church's longstanding history of support of torture and imprisonment (Inquisition, anyone?) I think this absolutely belongs on the list.
6. The Coming of The Cosmic Christ by Matthew Fox.
Any book that causes the Catholic Church to officially silence you is defintely worth reading and probably worth living. I love the review on that calls it "tired heresies." Catholics love that fucking word, heresy. When I was in school, my teachers (nuns and lay teachers) seemed to always refer to Martin Luther as "Martin Luther, The Heretic." I swear they never said the man's name without that appellation.
7. The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll
Heroin and Catholic school boys, oh my.
8. The Complete Stories of Flannery O'Connor:
Because sometimes, Catholicism is actually a force for the good and genius.
9. The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out Of Darkness by Karen Armstrong
Kind of like a really erudite Catholic version of Escape From Witch Mountain, only with nuns and academia and epilepsy.
10. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
Yeah, yeah, I know---it's so not a good book. But anything that causes Catholics to nearly riot on the streets should be on this list. They even protested here in Las Vegas when the film was playing, how ironic. I loved the South Park parody of this with the Bunny Pope. It made me happy.
11. The Last Temptation Of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis
Boy, this really got the Catholic's goat when it came out as a movie. I still love the power of Mary Magdalene to piss off overzealous Catholics everywhere.
12. Justine by the Marquis De Sade
Holy blasphemy, batman. Despite all of my initial nascent feminist teenaged misgivings (actually, more like hatred) about De Sade, I found this to be wildly amusing when I re-read it as an adult. WWDSD?
And last but not least---lucky number thirteen:
13. The Index Librorum Prohibitorum
What would a list of books for "bad" Catholics be without a book that tells you exactly WHAT to read because it's heretical, blasphemous and immoral? Thanks, Vatican! Although this hasn't been around since 1966 or so (gotta love Vatican II---taking all of the fun out of being Catholic. No more Latin Mass, no more banned books...damn you...), it's still pretty interesting to check out what made it into the Index and what didn't. Who did: Voltaire, Nikos Kazantzakis, Pascal, Flaubert, Simone de Beauvoir (that's my girl!), Andre Gide, Jonathan Swift and John Milton, just to name a few. Who didn't: Hitler's Mein Kampf. Figures. I mean, look at the current Pope. I rest my case.