Sunday, October 4, 2009

Falling for Fall

The weather here is absolutely amazing! I look forward to waking up every day and feeling the chill in the air. It makes me feel like skipping and dancing, seriously.

Still on my vegan rampage, and I love it! Still way into the green smoothies, but also really into kombucha, raw kale in my salads, brussel sprouts (who are you and what have you done with Mo?), rooibos chai, shiitake mushrooms on everything and KOMBUCHA. Oh my god, it is so good. I got hooked on it when I got sick the week before last. Kind of did a little informal kombucha/miso/shiitake fast for a few days and it knocked my sickness right out. I've been trying to eat 10 servings (yes, you read that right) a day of green leafy and red/purple veggies a day. I am on a mission. My weight is kind of stable right now and I am not bingeing, purging or engaging in any compulsive exercise behavior so that's a good thing, I suppose. I would like to lose some more weight, but I am not stressing over it and I figure it will all even out in the end.

I read The Gabriel Method a few weeks ago and I really got a lot out of it. I've been incorporating several of his suggestions and listening to The Gabriel Method night time meditation CD a few nights a week. It makes a difference. Definitely recommend it.

The other thing I am looooooving right now is Kundalini Yoga, esp. the Ana Brett and Ravi Singh DVD's. I can't even express how awesome they are and how good they make me feel. I am all about feeling good right now! I even have a special fluffy bright green yoga rug. Everything in my room is green, green, green. Maybe it's because I'm in the desert? Who knows.

And don't think that because I haven't mentioned it that I'm not lifting. I am. It's just kind of not as serious as the yoga right now, which is fine. The yoga is helping my injuries and well, it makes me hiiiiiigh. The truth comes out!

Food today:
B: vegan blueberry muffin, 2 gardenburger soysages
S: granola bar
L: huge salad with organic greens, purple cabbage, red peppers, vegan ranch dressing, and southwestern black bean salad.
S: 2 granola choc chip cookies and rooibos chai
D: green smoothie! spinach, rice protein powder, pineapple juice, pineapple chunks, amazing grass wheatgrass powder

Sunday, July 5, 2009

sometimes quickly, sometimes slooooowly....

...and usually with me, it's the latter. Still eating well, although I am not exercising at all for the last week. I keep injuring myself in stupid and new ways and it's wildly annoying.
I am in love with coconut cream pie Lara Bars, cherries, raw kale and iced green tea right now. And rice protein powder.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

It's a celebration, bitches!

Yesterday I celebrated 2 years clean and sober! I still can't believe it. And it was just another day in my drug & alcohol & animal product free life...OMFG, I've turned into one of those friggin' straight-edge people I used to drunkenly mock! I slept in, read trashy vampire novels, snuggled with my Italian Greyhound, went to the library and ate a super yummy celebratory vegan meal at the Red Velvet Cafe. Overall, I spent the whole day really, really relaxing. Tonight I take my chip at my AA home group.

I discovered a new blog that I really like, The author has a great attitude and lots of yummy "green monster" recipes. The green monster pancakes look awesome! I will have to try them this week...

Today's eats:
breakfast: acai, strawberry, pomegranate juice, blue green algae, rice protein powder
snack: hemp granola with vanilla coconut yogurt (and it smells like birthday cake! mmmm)
lunch: raw kale, romaine, cabbage, red pepper and carrot salad w/ balsamic ving, black bean and veggie burrito with guacamole
snack: apples, green smoothie if I am really hungry post workout
dinner: salad, boca faux chicken patties

Today's workout: turbulence training beginner's workout A followed by 20 min interval training
If I have time, yoga before bed.

Monday, June 22, 2009

WTF I am

So this is what I've decided to feed myself with today...
B: Vega protein powder, unsweetened almond milk, strawberries, 2 tsp flax oil, 1 tbs raw cacao powder, 1 tsp crystal manna blue green algae.
L: multigrain pasta with cannelini beans, broccoli and faux cheese red star sauce
D: sunshine burger on an ezekiel bun with spinach, sprouts, red swiss chard and portobello mushrooms as a side dish
snacks: apples, carrots, jalapeno hummus.

Yup, this is how I have been eating lately (hippie food, anyone?). In some ways, it's a return to the comfort zone of my past---vegetarianism/veganism. I'm not the world's greatest meat eater, to be perfectly honest. In fact, I've been finding meat to be increasingly revolting for the past 6 months. I started eating fish in 2000 on the advice of three different acupuncture physicans and the bodybuilding community at large. The animal product eating "experiment" continued for most of my 30's and I've been ambivalent for most of that time. I've gone back to veganism, raw veganism or just good old vegetarianism over and over again but felt like I just couldn't get it right. I kept wanting to binge on cheese and dairy products. A lot of that had to do with my eating disordered ways and nothing to do with veganism itself. I've been silently cheering on the resurgence of veganism in the media---Oprah doing the Quantum Wellness challenge, Skinny Bitch (altho I have serious issues with that book), The Engine 2 Diet, the guys behind Precision Nutrition and Turbulence Training trying out plant based diets and even my favorite fitness blogger, Skwigg, has taken the plant-based plunge recently. For me, it goes beyond the whole "plant-based diet" phenomenon---it has to do with my spiritual growth. I cannot continue on the path I've been on without taking the leap to a more compassionate way of living that encompasses all living creatures.

I am also shifting my workout ideals and body image ideas. I worked with a personal trainer for the past few months who was simply AMAZING...she's a NPC figure competitor and there's a link to her on my blog. I learned so much from her in the short time I got to work with her. But during that time I also made some serious realizations about myself:

1. I have no desire to be a figure competitor, esp. since it seems to involve torture and tilapia, and not necessarily in that order.
2. I am tired of being in physical pain, and my workouts have been contributing to that level of pain for quite some time. My eating has been significantly contributing to that pain level by causing inflammation and emotional distress.
3. I am no longer willing to judge my self-worth by the numbers on the scale or by the size of my pants or by my age and physical appearance. I am an almost 40 year old woman and even when I was 16 I didn't look like some of the 16 year olds I see today. Trying to force myself to fit a beauty standard that is sick and discriminatory by nature is not happening for me anymore.
3. I hate eating fish. I fucking hate it.
4. My diet has been working against my spiritual growth. Period.
5. If I don't make some serious, permanent changes, my health will continue to decline and I will continue to be a miserable, sick, binge eater.
6. I engage in negative self talk in every area of my life all day long. My thought patterns hold me captive. They hinder me in every area of my life. My lack of acceptance/sheer hatred of myself is astonishing. I've been working with affirmations a lot lately.
7. I need to find a way to eat that makes me feel spiritually and physically good. This new way of eating will lead to weight loss by default, but it will also transform me on every level.
8. Support is 100% necessary for me. It needs to be non-judgemental and nurturing. I do well with 12 step recovery programs, so I am back in OA and have a wonderful new sponsor. I also will reach out for support online and through the vegan and Buddhist communities. If I need to, I will consult dietitians/nutritionists and therapists as well.
9. My workout programs need to be less punishing. I no longer have a desire to feel like I have been run over by a fleet of mack trucks on the day after I work out. I also don't want a workout this is so non-challenging that I feel like I just took a nap. I need a program that will develop a sense of ease and comfort in my own skin...something functional. I also need a hell of a lot of work on my flexibility and alignment. And my feet and ankles are still all jacked up, so whatever I choose needs to not hurt them in any way.
10. All of this can change at any moment. I reserve the right to continually revise my own "rules". I don't have to live by a rigid set of restrictions imposed upon me by the diet police, the vegan police or anyone else. I don't have to drive myself crazy with perfectionism or restriction.

Whew. That turned into quite the manifesto.

Anyway, I feel like I have reached a turning point and I am excited, thrilled and curious as to what the future will bring.

Off to work out---I am trying Turbulence Training and Baron Baptiste's 40 day yoga program right now. Might start logging my workouts and food now that I have a computer at home again.