Check Myself Before I Wreck Myself

Deep listening is easier said than done. I work as a nutritional consultant over the phone, and I speak with people from all over the country who have questions about the supplements we sell or just general questions about health, diet and lifestyle. I get way excited when I get to speak with fellow vegans and vegetarians. Most days it's really interesting and some days it's kind of like one of the episodes of Parks & Recreation where Amy Poehler's character is getting irrationally questioned or yelled at during a town hall meeting: "Why doesn't your park have hamburgers? I WANT HAMBURGERS AT MY PARK!" I will admit, sometimes all of the nonsensical questions, endless complaining and negativity really gets to me. I remind myself silently to take a deep breath, to not take it personally and to listen to the person as deeply as I can. No judgement, no thoughts about anything other than what the person is telling me--just be there to 100% listen to and serve that person for how ever long I am on the phone with them. I speak with non-vegans all day, and I work in an office where I am the only vegan/vegetarian. Sometimes I feel very uncomfortable counselling people about non-vegan choices, but I am not getting paid to be Super Vegan. I am getting paid to be helpful. Believe me, I take every opportunity to educate people in making healthy, vegan choices whenever I can. Sometimes it's not so cut and dry, though. And sometimes (though rarely) a 100% vegan life is not appropriate for people.

Case in point: today I had an interesting call from a woman who has a hereditary genetic disorder called fructose intolerance. Her body lacks an enzyme that is necessary in order to break down fructose. Most vegetables and all fruits are off limits to her or she becomes violently ill. When left untreated, HFI can be fatal. She shared with me that she became a vegetarian in college and almost died (!!). She would prefer to be a vegetarian, but she can't. Actually, she would prefer to not have to live her life with a very limited list of foods that she can eat and an extremely long list of things she can't eat, including most supplements. And I thought my shopping trips and restaurant adventures were annoying sometimes? It's far easier to be a vegan, especially these days when even casinos are veganizing their restaurants.

It started as a angry complaint-type conversation where we almost got into an argument. I became defensive and irritated before I heard the whole story about why she was calling. I heard the stress and anger in her voice and I could see how this whole interaction was going to go unless I checked myself. So I took a deep breath and stopped fighting and just listened, thinking, "Hmmm, I wonder what will happen now?". Curious and friendly: you almost can't go wrong if you keep that in your heart. Any time my curiosity starts to get edged out, I know I am in trouble.

It ended up being a great conversation where I not only learned a lot from her about her condition and ended up with her being happy and thankful, but I was able to also learn something about my listening skills. Although I think of myself as an excellent listener, I loooove to be right when it comes to so-called scientific facts. Occasionally the evil debate bug bites me and I want to intellectually duel someone until I "win" the debate. Not useful. I'm not a motherfucking lawyer. I'm a nutritional consultant who happens to be a vegan and a half assed student of Buddhism. Extending compassion to all sentient beings does not include giving them an intellectual beat down. What Would The Buddha Do? Maybe drink a nice hot cup of STFU. Smile, breathe and listen. Be a witness. Be humble. Be open. And definitely be curious.

In honor of the Vegan MoFo

Here's what I am eating today...So not exciting, but vegan!

B: green smoothie (genuine health vegan protein, hemp milk, raspberries, pineapple juice, spinach, fiber powder) coffee with coconut creamer
S: cliff builder bar
L: green beans, red peppers, 2 boca faux chicken patties, peach oolong tea
S: soy delicious yogurt with 2 T of hemp seeds, cranberry green tea
D: buddha's delight with a ton of veggies and tofu and...more tea!

Going home to do some much needed yoga tonight. I got a new Jivamukti DVD. A little scared of it. Will have to report back on how scary or not scary it is!

Tastebuds Are Mysterious Things Indeed: Confessions of a Junk Food Junkie

In the past, I couldn't stay vegan and off of junk food for long enough to experience this new phenomenon that's taking me by surprise: my tastebuds are doing weird shit. Normally, I wouldn't even think twice about scarfing down some soy ice cream or an entire bag of Tings or potato chips with vegan ranch dip. I should have had stock in Uncle Eddie's and Liz Lovely's. And now, suddenly, everything tastes too greasy, too salty or too sweet. What the fuck? I don't even like adding salt to my food anymore. I used to have all of this different fancy salt I was hooked on and now I don't even like it! I bought some smoked salt last week and tasted it and immediately decided to take it to work and give it away. I'm enjoying simple, healthy, whole foods. It's scaring me! Now I dream of green smoothies and brussels sprouts and kale and sweet potatoes and quinoa and beans...when I first tried to go vegan in 1994, I would have thrown a full blown, beer fueled tantrum if anyone had tried to feed me kale. All I wanted was a very convincing version of vegan queso dip and I wanted it yesterday, goddamn it! I did eat salad, but mostly I lived on falafel, french fried and vegan junk food. And beer. Things are definitely different now. I am known as "the healthy eater" at work, which continues to shock the hell out of me. If I can change, then believe me, anyone can.

Bespoke Butchery: When Locavores Go Wild

When I was in NYC this past May, my wonderful BFF told me about a very disturbing new trend in The City: bespoke butchery. The hottest, newest thing are restaurants who bring in cattle from more local spots and butcher them right in the basement. I recently saw a post by Erik Marcus on vegan.com that mentioned something equally as nauseating: butchery parties. People pay money to learn how to butcher their own meat. The Back Forty restaurant in NYC (one of the ones mentioned as part of the "bespoke butchery" trend) offered a class where people learn the delicate art of Porchetta 101: deboning a pig, leaving its head on, tying it up and roasting it. The pictures look like a really bad Nine Inch Nails video. And I thought those godawful sex toy parties were scary? Man, I'll take suburban housewives waving dildoes in my face over dismembering a pig any day. But hey, it was "locally and responsibly raised on a small farm." I'm sure that made the pig feel a hell of a lot better in the end. I don't think painting slaughter with pretty faux spiritual colors and dressing it up in the golden glow of "local and sustainable" makes it any more palatable. The best way to honor an animal is not to eat it from ears to hooves; the best way to honor an animal is to not kill it in the first place! Maybe I am just missing a hunting/butchering/killing gene.

Eco-Atkins And The Reality Of Not Being A Skinny Bitch

I've been seeing this around lately a little more (apparently I missed the original flurry of Eco-Atkins interest in 2009 somehow?) and I find it to be a very interesting topic. As I sit writing this at a coffee shop, the woman sitting next to me told her friend over the phone, "By the way, I am no longer vegetarian as of today." She proceeded to tell her friend that she had a wellness evaluation and that she hadn't lost any weight in 3 months despite the fact that she was working out like a maniac, doing cardio and lifting weights. So the "vegetarian diet" had to go, according to her trainer. If had a dollar for every time that I thought that same thing or heard that same thing from a trainer or a doctor, I'd be a multi-millionaire. Many vegetarians and vegans do not have a problem with insulin insensitivity or carbohydrate metabolism; hence, the stereotype of skinny vegans. For many of us, the "standard" vegan diet can actually cause weight gain. This is something that we need to address, especially with all of the "obesity crisis" fat bashing that's going on in the media across the board.

In the past, I've gained monster amounts of weight eating a SVG (Standard Vegan Diet). I was able to lose weight as a lacto-ovo vegetarian, but only if I watched every calorie I ate and worked out for about 3 hours a day. And then I would feel guilt and disgust every time I ate almond cheese, whey protein, yogurt, cottage cheese or an egg white omelet because of the suffering of all of the animals who produced this food for me. And my foray back into actual meat eating was truly an exercise in self-loathing. I don't give a shit what my doctor, nutritionist, trainer or acupuncture physician has to say, I refuse to eat animal products anymore.

Is this level of metabolic fucked-up-ness normal? Well, it is for me, unfortunately. I have a sneaking suspicion that many people pick up Skinny Bitch or Skinny Bastard or any permutation of a vegan diet that promises weight loss if you "just go vegan" and then become pretty pissed off when they don't lose the promised weight. There's nothing that makes me feel like more of a total fucking loser than being a fat vegan. And I'm not talking thick, curvy, plus sized model fat. I'm just talking garden variety obese, squeezing out of my plus sized clothes, two steps away from driving a rascal cart down the grocery aisle fat. It's gotten to the point that I don't even want to tell people I'm vegan or do any sort of face-to-face activism because I feel like I give veganism a bad name. One of my friends recently got lap band surgery and I actually felt jealous!

Excessive weight gain is another version of "Vegan Failure To Thrive", and it needs to be addressed within the vegan and animal rights communities. It's hard enough for your average citizen to find adequate nutritional guidance, never mind vegan guidance. I am determined to find a way to address my own personal weight struggles within the parameters of a vegan diet. My conscience will not allow me to do otherwise.

I also think this issue is important within minority communities. It was OK to be overweight as a woman (as long as it didn't get "too out of control") in the neighborhood I grew up in (all African-American) and the family I grew up in (Cuban/Italian). Diabetes, heart disease and obesity are huge problems for minorities, and there's a lot of stigma about eating vegetarian or vegan because it's perceived as a "white person's" diet. I'll never forget the time my Pop called me and told me that he had picked me up something for dinner. I was all excited and when I got to his house, he had a bag full of lawn shavings waiting for me.

Luckily, there seems to be some momentum and energy around these issues lately. Isa Chandra Moskowitz is coming out with "Appetite For Reduction", the vegfamily.com website is going to pilot a weight loss community type website for vegans, and of course, there's Skinny Bitch and Skinny Bastard (although I call myself a fat ass and a disgusting slob enough on my own, thank you very much.). Colleen Patrick-Goudreau has two excellent podcasts available about vegan weight loss. Even Tosca Reno has a vegan menu in her Eat Clean Diet revised edition. I personally am going to try some sort of version of Eco-Atkins---vegan proteins and lots of veggies with some healthy fats. The idea of cutting fruit out makes me want to scream, but I eat it as a dessert after my workouts. In any case, veganism is a non-negotiable issue for me. I will continue to find a way to make it work for me so that I can be the healthy, happy, vegan ambassador I've always wanted to be. People need to want what you have, and if they feel like you look sickly, tired, miserable or excessively skinny or overweight, they are not going to want that for themselves.

Problem Solved: Portable Vegan Coffee Creamer

This issue has been driving me nuts for oh, about a decade now. The two packet options that are available just really, really suck. And many restaurants do not serve soy milk here in Las Vegas--a woman cannot live on black coffee alone, no matter how cool the Black Flag song is. I finally got smart and tried the vegan powdered soy milk that is available at many health food stores, Better Than Milk. Works just fine, and the container is pretty big. You don't have to do any heroic stirring, either. I put a little bit in a resealable container, and I'm good to go. It would also be great for travelling, since it's a powder and they won't hassle you on the plane about it. I will be going to Boston in October for Expo East, and I was seriously dreading drinking black coffee for a week straight. Problem solved! I think every vegan is a little bit McGyver, a little bit rock-n-roll. Speaking of Expo East, I'm really looking forward to seeing one of my vegan inspirations, Alicia Silverstone, speak.

This vegan thing seems to be sticking...!

Vegas gets a bad rap. When I first came here as a visitor, I thought it was the most vegan/veg unfriendly place on the planet. It seemed like everything was smeared in fois gras and not a veg entree to be seen for miles. It was easier to find venison medallions than it was to find it a veggie burger. When I decided to go back to being a vegan (man, I wish I had never stopped...but that was my path I had to go down), I discovered a whole world of vegan food and it just keeps growing and growing. There's been a huge upsurge in interest in veganism since I've lived here for the last 4 years. I switched over to this blog as an outlet for all of my vegan interests (including bodybuilding),cooking and activism. I've imported some of my vegan focused posts from my old blog, Slayer Is My Personal Trainer. Sorry if it seems piecemeal or weird, but it's been a long hard road to get to where I am now. Getting sober, having serious surgery, changing jobs---moving to Las Vegas started a whole chain reaction of transformation and upheaval for me and I am so glad I did it! Didn't do it alone, of course...I've had help from every direction, and even when it's been really, really hard, it's been worth it.