Kale, Black Bean and Millet Bowl with Vegan Chipotle Crema

I was going to title this blog entry "Crema: Get On Top" but then I realized that I have been listening to too much damn Prince lately and kale just isn't that sexy to most people. What I should have called it is "Using My Goddamned Leftovers" but that just doesn't sound sexy OR healthy. Since I completed the Kris Carr CSD Adventure Cleanse, I have been experimenting with Rip Esselstyn's Engine 2 Diet. Honestly, I like all of the Tex-Mex Austin-style recipes and guy food. I still am getting my green juice and salad on, though.

Whatcha' need for one serving with possible leftovers depending on your appetite:
1 can organic black beans
1 1/2 cups millet
1 bunch kale, de-stemmed
2 cloves fresh garlic, minced

Vegan Chipotle Crema
2 tbs hemp seeds
2 tbs hemp milk (or any plain, non-dairy milk)
2 tsp smoky chipotle sauce (I used Dan's Prime Smoky Chipotle Seasoning Sauce, in honor of Austin)
1 tsp agave nectar
1/2 tsp onion powder
1/2 tsp arrowroot or cornstarch (you can double this if you want a really thick crema)
1 twist freshly ground sea salt sea salt (or omit if you would like)



Do Work:

Put all of the wet ingredients for the Crema in a blender and blend. Add dry ingredients and blend until thoroughly mixed. Let sit for 2-5 minutes to thicken. You can easily double, triple or quadruple this if you want to make more for later in the week or if you just love sauciness. And who doesn't love a little extra sauciness in their bowl?

In a wok or deep skillet, sautee the garlic in water (or oil if you swing that way) for 2-3 minutes on medium high heat. Keep adding water as necessary to keep the garlic from sticking or burning or both if you're really unlucky. Add the kale and sautee until dark green and tender.

Heat up the millet and beans on the stove top or microwave them if you are like me and don't give a shit about radiation because you live in Nevada. Tip: if you are using leftover millet, either add some water to it in the pan or sprinkle some water on it and cover with a damp paper towel if you are microwaving. This is like CPR for leftover grains. Top with your vegan chiptole crema and dig in!

More blog entries to come....lots of stuff to report this month!

CSD Adventure Cleanse, Day 9: Digging A Hole To China With My Knife, Fork And Spoon

Feeling much better today. Doubled up on my EnergyPlus and green tea with mate and took lots of immune supplements because I felt like I was getting sick. Really have been enjoying the simplicity of my lunchtime salads. I don't have to think or fuss, and I don't feel sleepy after.

B: Green smoothie, 2 E3 live shots, sublingual B12, green tea with mate
S: apple juice with kamut grass
L: big ass green salad, a tangelo (OMG! que sabroso!), multivitamin and extra vegan vitamin D, green tea with mate
S: lara bar
D: quinoa with curried coconut tempeh, asparagus and carrots. I used soy yogurt to make the curry sauce. So good and I have leftovers for tomorrow!
S: mary's gone crackers black pepper crackers, edamame hummus

I barely even considered the Girl Scout cookies piled up under my desk. I gave myself permission to eat them, and then I was like, "eh, maybe not."

In the evening, I sat zazen and ignored the ghostly voice of my ex-boyfriend repetitively  saying, "My vipassana teacher says that practicing zen meditation is like digging a hole to China with a spoon." I love you, dude, but stop talking to me like that! And stay out of my head.

And there was 45 minutes of hip opening, ass kicking yoga, a serious kitchen purging and then dry skin brushing followed by a nice hot shower. I feel so grateful, lucky, blessed, (whatever lingo people are slinging these days) to have the time and space to take care of myself like this right now. When I finish, I will have so much more energy to give to others, and that's the whole point, right? Right.

CSD Adventure Cleanse, Days 7 and 8.5: It's Not Always Easy Eating Green

Today, I feel like ass. Or maybe roadkill that's been backed over a few extra times. To top it off, the girl scout cookies came today to my office. Sigh. This is the part of the cleansing process where I have to rememeber: this is my choice. I can do this. No one is making me do this. When I am done, I will feel awesome. This is not punishment--this is renewal and transformation. And sometimes, trasformation hurts like a bitch and is uncomfortable as hell and it's OK. It's also OK to stockpile my girl scout cookies for another time. Or, give them away to someone who would really love them. It won't kill me, and there will be more next year.

It's not always easy eating green. There's a lot of pukeyness involved for me. Then again, I have to remember how far I've come. Two years ago at this time I was binge eating burger king, cheetos and quarts of ice cream. So hey, I am doing freaking awesome right now by comparison. This morning after I crankily finished my green smoothie (I was wishing it would transmogrify into vegan waffles with strawberries and vegan whip cream with a side of sage apple field roast sausage!), I noticed my tongue was a lovely shade of light green! Luckily, it went away. I was feeling like Kermit's angry doppleganger for a couple of minutes.

Ironically, Day 6 and most of Day 7 I felt amazing. Seriously, ecstatic wellbeing just oozing out of every pore. I had so much energy yesterday that I went hiking for the first time since my ankle surgery in 2008. And nothing bad happened!  I did not wrench my ankle on a rock. I did fine, although I hiked very slowly and carefully and kept it to about 45 minutes since I was also fasting that day. The fasting ended up becoming kind of difficult, which I was surprised by. I felt fine and dandy until about 8pm, at which point I became ravenously hungry, angry and totally unwilling to drink anything green, period. The eating disorder voices started yelling in my head, and I don't want to trigger that kind of behavior so I need to come up with a better plan for the next fasting day.

I must be better prepared if I want to fast, and I should probably end the night with something warm, like miso soup with vegetables so that I don't feel like beating someone's ass by the end of the day. I probably shouldn't juice fast all the way through until the next afternoon unless I feel very, very OK with that. I definitely didn't last night. Visions of Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies were dancing in my head.  Although hiking was amazing, it was probably a little too much activity. I'd be better off with yoga and a nice long sweat in the sauna at the gym on fasting days.

What I ate and did today:
Breakfast: green smoothie, green tea with yerba mate
Snack: apple juice with kamut grass powder and activated barley powder
Lunch: humgo green salad with carrots, purple cabbage, tofu crumbles and dressing
Snack: 2 ounces of wheatgrass and a handful of almonds
Dinner: sunshine burger with pickles and a little vegenaise, baked sweet potato fries with truffle salt and asparagus

In AM: meditation and affirmation
In PM: yoga, dry skin brushing, sinus flushing.

And yay, my 2oz of wheatgrass didn't make me almost hurl today! Progress, not perfection.

Day 3, Kris Carr's 21 Day Adventure Cleanse

Well, it's been a little rougher than I thought it would be so far. I keep meaning to write, but I have been feeling really nauseous for the last 2 and a half days. Actually, I've been feeling so physically crappy that I didn't exercise for the last two days. I did get up extra early and meditate, which has been awesome! I never have been a good morning meditator, but I actually find that I am getting more out of it for some odd reason.

Today I was less hungry, which was fantastic because I was really hungry on days one and two. I haven't done a cleanse for almost 2 years, and the last one I did was Kathy Freston's Quantum Wellness Cleanse which I really enjoyed. CSD is a little more hardcore with the greens, and you are basically eating a 2/3 or more raw vegan diet if you do it strictly. I can't wait to get my juicer on Friday!! Also, I love Kris Carr's daily words of wisdom for the cleanse. She really makes me feel strangely giggly and motivated. I hope by the weekend I will be feeling better physically.

Here's how my day went today:
Breakfast: yerba mate and green tea with peppermint,
No. 9 Dream Green Smoothie (named in honor of the David Mitchell book, not the song):
1 cup unsweetened almond milk
squirt of agave and a splash of apple juice
1 tbs of Barlean's vegan 3/6/9 EFA blend
filled rest of blender with raw spinach and kale
blended, and then added rice protein powder, chia seeds, fiber aktivated barley powder and powdered barley grass
finally, added cherries, strawberries, blueberries and raspberries
Snack: apple juice with kamut grass and aktivated barley powder
Lunch: big green salad with shredded carrots and cabbage, savory baked tofu and vegan "honey" mustard dressing, vanilla coconut rooibos tea
Snack: lara bar
Dinner: big salad with hemp seeds, balsamic dressing, southwest sunshine burger with daiya cheese and a pickle, baked sweet potato fries with truffle salt (OMG!!), teeccino with stevia and unsweetened almond milk for dessert.

Supplements: multi, B12, E3 Live Renew me!, EnergyPlus, Candisol (thanks, surgery and antibiotics! Thank God for this stuff or I would go crazy).

I am going to wait an hour or so and see if I feel well enough to do some Kundalini yoga with Ana and Ravi. Sat nam, bitches!

PS. Speaking of Kathy Freston, I watched a clip from the Oprah vegan episode yesterday. Good for you, 378 staffers who are willing to try vegan! And I loved the clip on her website where she talks about Steadman asking if things are vegan on the plane. So cute! Good for Oprah for getting the word out to more people, although I wish the clips of the slaughterhouse had more impact. It was all a little too peaceful and sanitized compared to most of the undercover video that's been in the news in the past few years. It was very telling that they didn't let them film the actual slaughter part. Imagine that.

Get Ready...

I am getting ready to do the Crazy Sexy Diet 21 Day Cleanse, so now is the time to phase out the coffee and eat my way through all of my protein bars, primal strips and fake meat in my fridge and freezer! I love how Kris Carr refers to meat substitutes as "methadone". Honestly, I am more worried about 21 days without seitan than I am about 21 days of no sugar and juicing like a motherfucker! Some one's got a fake meat problem...but to quote a sticker I once saw, "Fake Meat Saves Lives". So there! By the time I transition for a week and then do the 21 days, it will be time for my birthday and then I can roll around in a trough of seitan if I so desire.

Today's eats and drinks:
AM: grande soy latte, toasted cranberry luna bar
snack: coffee with soy milk
lunch: tofu pad thai, green juice, fresh strawberries
snack: spinach artichoke hummus on 2 multigrain rye flats, watermelon juice with green kamut powder, jasmine green tea
dinner: gardein turkey breast, big organic salad with cucumbers, soy bleu cheese and vegan ranch dressing.
dessert: fresh strawberries
snack: vega protein powder with hemp milk
2 liters water

Sadly, a large latte piggybacked with a cup of coffee is actually less coffee than I usually drink! I was laughing my ass off reading all of the outraged posts on Twitter about Starbuck's new Trenta. Really? More than the human stomach can hold? Not this human stomach, baby. I've been drinking coffee like a Cuban viking with an axe to grind for years. I'll see your Trenta and raise you a 24 oz Dunkin Donuts black coffee. Starbucks is tame by comparison. God, my adrenals need some TLC.

Crazy Sexy Diet: book review

Yes, I am an unabashed fan of Kris Carr. I've read all of her other books, so when Crazy Sexy Diet came out, I rushed to get it despite my recent moratorium on all books with "Diet" in the title. Even though there's so much in the book that I've come across elsewhere, I just love the way she puts it all together. Not only is the information well organized, but the layout of the book is awesome. Everything is attractive and accessible, right down to the font, pictures and colors that she uses. All of the "guest columns" in the book are informative. I especially liked the Frank Lipman piece on Vitamin D, and her suggestions on supplementation were right on. Her writing style makes me giggle. She actually *motivates* me instead of making me want to starve myself in a cave. Any "diet" where I don't starve, I don't have to eat meat and dairy and where I am strongly suggested to meditate is A-OK with me.

There are some studies briefly mentioned in Crazy Sexy Diet. The nerdy little researcher in me would have liked foot notes and research/study citations, but we can't always get everything we want...maybe next time, Kris? Pretty please with yacon syrup on top?

I also would have loved more recipes, although the ones she included look pretty tasty. I am especially excited to try the vanilla chai tapioca pudding.

I am definitely going to give the 21 Day cleanse a spin, as I am feeling particularly gross after all of the vegan junk food I have been indulging in while I've been recuperating (read: sulking) from my hand surgery. Definitely letting my lack of mobility be the excuse for living on Uncle Eddie's vegan cookies, Tofurkey vegan roasted veggie pizza, organic popcorn with Earth Balance and english muffins. WTF? Some one's going to have to roll me out of my apartment soon, like Violet Beauregarde in Willie Wonka and The Chocolate Factory: "Would you roll the young lady down to the juicing room immediately, please?"

Here is a link to an excerpt from the book as well as a video appearance from Kris Carr on Good Morning America: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/book-excerpt-crazy-sexy-diet-kris-carr/story?id=12633095&page=2

And here's my personal favorite green smoothie for newbies recipe, straight from my test kitchen:

Mo' Greens, No Problems Smoothie
1/2 cup organic apple juice
1/2 cup hemp milk
three handfuls of spinach or 4-5 dinosaur kale leaves
1 tbs chia seeds
1 scoop plain or vanilla vegan protein powder
2 tsp E3 live blue green algae flakes or Crystal Manna flakes
1 tbs vegan EFA blend or flax oil (Barlean's vegan berry 3/6/9 blend is ridiculously good in this)
agave or stevia to taste (optional)
handful of mixed organic berries

The trick to not getting chunks in your green smoothie, even if you have a crappy blender on its last legs like mine, is to put the fluids in first, including the oil. Then add the greens, and if you are using kale, de-stem it and tear it apart with your hands. Blend until everything looks smooth and green. Slowly add the powders one at a time and blend after each one. Add the fruit last and if it gets too thick, add some water to thin it out. I usually don't sweeten mine, but if you have a sweet tooth do what you need to do, OK? If you want a super green colored smoothie, you can also substitute half of a banana or peaches for the berries---the color will be much more intense.

When Zombie Fingers Attack

I can't stop watching Bollywood movies. The entire time I've been recovering from surgery, I've been hanging out in my bunny slippers watching anything Bollywood that I can get my hands on. They make me happy. Complete escapism. And I'm obsessed with Shahid Kapoor (see lusciousness above), who is possibly the hottest man on Earth and just so happens to be a vegetarian.

I can finally type with both hands without crying tears of pain! My hand surgeon took my splint and bandages off today and I am flying my freak finger flag high. Not a pretty sight, but I'm just grateful I didn't hack the damn thing off. Yeah, it hurts like hell and looks like a zombie Caucasian Jimmy Dean sausage (complete with Latina jaundice from being bandaged for over a month), but it's my fat little zombie finger and I love it. So grateful I have insurance and access to good medical care...it made me sad today to see that the health care bill was voted down. Everyone needs equal access to health care, period. If I hadn't had insurance when I had this accident, I would have been so screwed--and I was washing dishes for chrissakes, not doing extreme sports or anything dangerous.

Had the best lunch today: roasted golden beets, sunshine kale salad and lemon tofu. I have been jonesing for kale. And green juice...my juicer will be coming here soon. My brother is having the contents of our storage shed moved out here to Vegas---can't wait!!!

Superior Catholic Finger

Can't type much right now as I had surgery on my finger due to a dishwashing accident. No, I am not kidding. So I'm resurrecting another oldie but goodie from one of my previous blogs in honor of my Superior Catholic Finger:

Books Ever Recovering/Ex/HalfAssed/Angry Former Catholic Should Own
May. 26th, 2008 at 2:10 PM

I found this in a folder I brought with me from Florida (why this folder and not the 20 other ones in my trunk? Don't know) of stuff that I wanted to put into my 'zine, Superior Catholic Finger. There's a ton more books that could be on this list, but there are only so many hours in the day... I re-wrote a lot of it since it's over 10 years old, written in sharpie on legal paper. Man, I loved sharpies and legal paper back when I was a zine freakazoid.

1. Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence
Found this in college and spent many hours hidden under the covers in my freshman dorm room so that no one saw me reading it. Recently, I saw the beginning of an episode of the L Word that starts off with a bus full of nuns. One of them is reading this, and then proceeds to get it on with another nun on the bus covertly. Hells yeah.
2. Eunuchs For The Kingdom Of Heaven: Women, Sexuality and the Catholic Church by Uta Ranke Heinman and Peter Heinegg.
I remeber that I got so angry when I was reading this that my skin felt hot. Catholicism still has that effect on me. Scary.
3. Saints Preserve Us!: Everything You Need to Know About Every Saint You'll Ever Need by Sean Kelly.
I believe this was the little gem that introduced me to Saint Bibiana, the patron saint of hangovers. So *that's* who I was invoking all of those times I spent draped over my toilet bowl! I think I should go into business making Saint Bibiana toilet seat covers. Bet they'd go over great here in Las Vegas. Every casino should take stock in them immediately...
4. Any Jesuit conspiracy theory book (no, Foucault's Pendulum does not count!)
5. Discipline and Punish:The Birth Of The Prison by Michel Foucalt (but Foucault himself does count, ha ha)
"On 2 March 1757 Damiens the regicide condemmed 'to make the amende honorable before the main door of the Church of Paris', where he was to be 'taken and conveyed in a cart, wearing nothing but a a shirt, holding a torch of burning wax weighing two pounds'; then, 'in the said cart, to the place de Greve, where, on a scaffold that will be erected there, the flesh will be torn from his breasts, arms, thighs and calves with red-hot pincers, his right hand, holding the knife with which he committed the said parricide, burnt with sulphur, and,on those places where the flesh will be torn away, poured molten lead, boiling oil, burning resin, wax and sulphur melted together and then his body drawn and quartered by four horses and his limbs and body consumed by fire, reduced to ashes and his ashes thrown to the winds" No, he's not talking about the first day of Catholic school, but sometimes I think he really might have been...givien the Church's longstanding history of support of torture and imprisonment (Inquisition, anyone?) I think this absolutely belongs on the list.
6. The Coming of The Cosmic Christ by Matthew Fox.
Any book that causes the Catholic Church to officially silence you is defintely worth reading and probably worth living. I love the review on amazon.com that calls it "tired heresies." Catholics love that fucking word, heresy. When I was in school, my teachers (nuns and lay teachers) seemed to always refer to Martin Luther as "Martin Luther, The Heretic." I swear they never said the man's name without that appellation.
7. The Basketball Diaries by Jim Carroll
Heroin and Catholic school boys, oh my.
8. The Complete Stories of Flannery O'Connor:
Because sometimes, Catholicism is actually a force for the good and genius.
9. The Spiral Staircase: My Climb Out Of Darkness by Karen Armstrong
Kind of like a really erudite Catholic version of Escape From Witch Mountain, only with nuns and academia and epilepsy.
10. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown
Yeah, yeah, I know---it's so not a good book. But anything that causes Catholics to nearly riot on the streets should be on this list. They even protested here in Las Vegas when the film was playing, how ironic. I loved the South Park parody of this with the Bunny Pope. It made me happy.
11. The Last Temptation Of Christ by Nikos Kazantzakis
Boy, this really got the Catholic's goat when it came out as a movie. I still love the power of Mary Magdalene to piss off overzealous Catholics everywhere.
12. Justine by the Marquis De Sade
Holy blasphemy, batman. Despite all of my initial nascent feminist teenaged misgivings (actually, more like hatred) about De Sade, I found this to be wildly amusing when I re-read it as an adult. WWDSD?
And last but not least---lucky number thirteen:
13. The Index Librorum Prohibitorum
What would a list of books for "bad" Catholics be without a book that tells you exactly WHAT to read because it's heretical, blasphemous and immoral? Thanks, Vatican! Although this hasn't been around since 1966 or so (gotta love Vatican II---taking all of the fun out of being Catholic. No more Latin Mass, no more banned books...damn you...), it's still pretty interesting to check out what made it into the Index and what didn't. Who did: Voltaire, Nikos Kazantzakis, Pascal, Flaubert, Simone de Beauvoir (that's my girl!), Andre Gide, Jonathan Swift and John Milton, just to name a few. Who didn't: Hitler's Mein Kampf. Figures. I mean, look at the current Pope. I rest my case.

An old one but good one from the myspace blog

Aug 13, 2008
Si Hoc Legere Scis Nimium Eruditionis Habes
Current mood:thirsty

Recently I missed my 20 year high school reunion due to the obvious condition of Gimp Foot and an underlying case of Cold Feet. Not so sure I wanted to see ALL of the people I went to St. Thomas Aquinas High School with. Although it wasn't completely bad---I received a really wonderful education that enabled me to go to an excellent college, graduate cum laude and subsequently become an alcoholic who works in a grocery store. Needless to say, staying at home in bed reading a massive pile of library books sounded really, really OK after visualizing myself standing in my high school cafeteria feeling surly and holding on to a ginger ale with a death grip. Ambivalent does not even begin to sum it up. Avoiding conversations about my present state of being seemed, ummm, integral to maintaining my sanity. Ok, yeah, I'm a total chicken shit. But really, I seriously couldn't get out of bed or put my foot down.

The one thing that I always thought was cool about my high school was that they offered Latin. Nevertheless, I decided to take Spanish for 3 years instead because I knew I could cruise by and spend most of the time gossiping with my high school best friend J. en espanol instead of actually having to study anything. I felt smugly sorry for all of the Anglo kids who struggled with the language and would get bored and sneak out to chain smoke in the bathroom. Being secretly Cuban never felt so good again.

My justification for avoiding Latin like the plague was that I was conserving my energy for AP Chemistry and Anatomy and Physiology. Really, I felt scared shitless of Latin. Fascinated, but not up for the challenge. Intimidated by the cream of the crop rich kids that were crammed into that classroom. Probably this was all a foreshadowing of my secret penchant for taking the easy way out (ie, vodka) that would rear its ugly head somewhere midway through my freshman year of college.

So in honor of my alma mater, here are some phrases I definitely wouldn't have learned in high school Latin class. Enjoy the raging nerdiness!

Sic gorgiamus allos subjectatos nunc: "we gladly feast on those who would subdue us" (actually, this is the mock Latin motto of the Addams Family but whatever, it's my blog)

Ubi nihil vales, ibi nihil velis: "Where you are worth nothing, there you will wish for nothing" (that pretty much sums up high school for me)

Amor et melle et felle est fecundissmismus: "love is rich with both honey and venom"

Asinus asinum fricat: "the jackass rubs the jackass" (Bush and Cheney, anyone?)

Cave laborem: "beware of work" (I'm going to use this as my email signature)

Descensus in cuniculi cavum: "The descent into the cave of the rabbit" (curiouser and curiouser!)

In omnibus requiem quaesivi, et nusquam inveni nisi in angulo cum libro: "Everywhere I have searched for peace and nowhere found it, except in a corner with a book"

Nemo saltat sobrius: "Nobody dances sober" (that would pretty much sum up the past year of my life)

Odi profanum vulgus et arceo: "I hate the unholy rabble and keep them away" (perhaps my family motto)

Post Coitum Omne Animal Triste Est: "After sexual intercourse every animal is sad"

Noli me tangere: "do not touch me"

Amicule, deliciae, num is sum qui mentiar tibi? "Baby, sweetheart, would I lie to you?"

Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem: "In the good old days, children like you were left to perish on windswept crags."

Diabolus fecit, ud id facerem!: "The devil made me do it!"

Nihil curo de ista tua stulta superstitione: "I'm not interested in your stupid religious cult."

"I like to cheer. I like to hunt."

I was driving to work this week when I heard this piece ("For Some Girls, The Ultimate Goal Is To Kill A Buck") aired on NPR as part of their Hidden Life of Girls series. It's about a 15 year old cheerleader named Magan Heber who also is an avid hunter. The piece just got more and more disturbing as it went on. It describes her first kill:

"It took a year of hunting before Magan killed her first deer. It was a doe. "I started shaking when I put the gun up, so [Dad] had to hold it steady for me," Magan says. But she did it. She hit the doe in the shoulder. Marcy couldn't believe it. Magan was hooked. "I just like the peace and quiet," Magan says, explaining the appeal."

I don't know, maybe I am confused. When I want peace and quiet I go lock myself in my room, go meditate, go to the library or go on a hike, not pick up a gun and shoot an animal. That does not sound peaceful to me.


This was immediately followed by the next comment, which almost sent me over the edge:

"She says she likes it when she sees a mother deer playing with her fawns. "I think it's cute. 'Cause, you know, you can't kill them yet. But when they grow up, it's really good food. I don't know. I just like it.""

Yeah, fawns are ridiculously cute. Do I ever look at them and think, "Hey, there's my future food! Grow up faster so I can eat you! ". Nope.

I am, and always have been, baffled and disturbed by hunting (and cheerleading too, actually). As a child, I couldn't stand the idea of my parents putting out mouse traps, never mind shooting deer from a deer blind. I used to steal and dismantle mouse traps constantly as a kid (never too early to start a career in activism, I suppose).

Part of me really wants to understand why. Why would this little girl be so enticed by shooting and killing animals? What is the real, unspoken appeal of this activity for her? Does it make her feel powerful? Does it give her a sense of control or safety? Is it just a big rush? Does she feel like it puts her on equal footing with her father and brother? Is it rebellion: proving to the boys that girls can do anything, including hunt? Or perhaps it's none of the above.

I also have to ask myself a few questions as well, starting with why does this disturb me so much more than the idea of teenaged boys hunting deer? Is it the juxtaposition of cheerleading with hunting (definitely disturbing)? Or do I harbor some sexist illusions that girls are less prone to violence against animals than boys? It made me think of The Sexual Politics of Meat by vegan feminist Carol Adams and her use of the term from linguistics, the "absent referent":

"Behind every meal of meat is an absence: the death of the animal whose place the meat takes. The "absent referent" is that which separates the meat eater from the animal and the animal from the end product. The function of the absent referent is to keep our "meat" separated from any idea that she or he was once an animal, to keep the "moo" or "cluck" or "baa" away from the meat, to keep something from being seen as having been someone."

Well, there's definitely no absent referent here. This is some immediate, hands-on DIY killin'. And it blows the theory that women have some sort of inherent, spiritual kindness and kinship with animals right out of the water.

The pictures (warning: dead deer right away) in the piece confused all of this for me even more. She's just a tiny little thing, posing happily in these grisly shots of deer hung upside down or splayed on the ground with their tongues lolling out. She looks truly thrilled in both of the shots, actually. I don't even know where to begin with that. It was easier when I didn't have such a vivid visual image of her as an individual and there was just a disembodied voice in my head.

Vegan Pizza at The Pizza Place, Wynn Casino: review

I HAD to do it. Gotta work my way through the Wynn's vegan offerings sooner or later! I went last weekend to investigate with some of my vegan and veg friendly friends who were visiting from Florida. We had the vegan pizza with Teese cheese and all of the available veggies as well as the salad and vegan garlic knots. They even had vegan gelato on the menu (!!) as well as gluten free options and other clear allergen listings. It was a totally separate menu that they whipped out from behind the counter.

This is also one of the less expensive places to eat at The Wynn, as well as somewhere you could easily bring omni family and friends. There's even a beautiful manmade waterfall outside! And if that isn't your scene, there's flatscreen TVs with sports for those who are so inclined.

The pizza was quite tasty. The Teese cheese was a pleasant change from Daiya: more stretchy and less oily. I liked it and would definitely buy Teese if I could get my hot little vegan hands on it! The pizza came out very fresh (obviously made to order) and the service was great. My friends even asked, "Why are all the servers so incredibly nice here?" Oh, and the garlic knots were amazing! Real East Coast style---I devoured them all by myself.

Ironically, a few weeks ago I was with my vegan buddy Easy Ice at the Riviera while she was working an event and I overheard some guys talking about working at the Wynn. One of them stated that Steve Wynn was "totally fucking insane" and really didn't sound like he liked working there all that much. He also said that he's a control freak, but that he thought it probably takes being a control freak to build a casino empire. Yeah, probably! I've also heard a lot of blowback from my brothers' friends in the restaurant industry who know people who work there. Apparently a lot of the employees (including some of the chefs) think Steve Wynn's vegan thing is a very annoying kick that he's temporarily on and that hopefully he will get over it soon. I hope not, because selfishly I want to keep eating all of his awesome food!!! And obviously, it's great for the animals and for creating awareness of veganism locally and in the media. Thank you, Steve Wynn---I'll be back!

Alchemy, Magic, Whatevs: Vegan Cooking Is Cool

As I boiled wiggly chunks of tofu for tofu ricotta, I realized that one of the things I love most about vegan cooking is the magical aspect of it. It's like alchemy: turning tofu into part of a vegan yummy lasagna that even my omnivore relatives love. Tofu looks even more like white jello after you boil it; it jiggles and looks like alien food as I strain it. The ingredients are unremarkable in my shopping cart and on the stove and then suddenly it all comes together at the end. I never got that satisfaction when I cooked with animal products. I hated it, wore vinyl gloves and felt grossed out and depressed. It was definitely far from magical. When you cook chicken, it still just looks like chicken when you're done. Vegan cooking has alchemical bells and whistles and secret tricks. It's like a game to figure out the starting ingredients sometime. It's witchcraft! And don't even get me started on vegan cookbooks. They are my crack. The first ones I had were hoarded in a little pile in my kitchen in Austin. I especially have fond memories of 365 Dairy Free Recipes and the Uncheese Cookbook. Getting excited to try out new recipes...in the early 90's and the days before the internet, getting new vegan recipes was like discovering hidden treasure.

I am so glad that there is no turkey on my family's table this year. Even in my years of omnivorous lapse, I always dreaded Thanksgiving and haven't eaten meat on that day since 1994. This year, it's fun and it's an Italian vegan potluck feast. I better get cracking on all of this cooking! Lasagne with porcini mushrooms, basil ricotta, veggies and the holy grail of ingredients: truffle salt! I finally found it and it's even local (so there!). Also making broccoli rabe with vegan sausage and carmelized onions and vegan tiramisu cupcakes. Hope everyone has a wonderful holiday with family and friends.

Top 5 Things NOT To Say To Someone When They Are Single

I alternate between being very, very aggravated and slightly amused when people in couples talk to me about being single like it's a disease that I need immediate treatment for, lest they catch it. Don't worry! I won't blow on you and give you Singleitis. And no, there's not a vaccine for that. Although there could be a new medication with side effects that include happiness, comfy pajamas, vegan cookies, endless episodes of LOST, blogging, writing novels, sleeping comfortably, never getting into fights, no annoying pseudo-inlaws and not having to motherfucking answer to anyone, ever.

So in no particular order: my top 5 trite, Trying-To-Comfort-The-Pathetic-Singleton things to NOT say to a single person:

1. Don't worry, you'll meet someone soon.
Do I look worried? Is this my worried face? No, this is my blissful, "I'm a free bitch, baby!" face. Look, I could go to the nearest 7-11 and "meet someone soon", but that doesn't mean I want to.

2. You just haven't met the right person yet.
Yup. I've met Dumb, Dumb and Dumber, the Uncrowned King Of All Liars, the Uncrowned Queen Of All Evil, Jealous Control Freak Dude 2.0, The Only Book I've Read Is The Bible Guy, Sensitive Chick With A Lot Of Issues Who Ends Up Being Totally Nuts, The You're A Vegan? I'm A Hunter Man and the I'm Really A Straight Girl But I'm Just Really Into You. And that's just a few reasons why I like being single.

3. Have you tried internet dating?
No, I've been living under a rock for the past decade. Next!

4. You always meet someone when you aren't looking.
You know what happens to me when I am not looking? Accidents. Accidents happen to me when I don't look. Seriously, what kind of crazy, quasi-Zen bullshit is that? Is it a koan? 'Cuz it should be if it isn't.

5. Ooooh, I know the greatest (fill in the blank)! (He or she) would be perfect for you!
Really? Because blind dates always work out so well for me! Kind of like picking a doctor at random from the phone book.

So peeps in couples, think twice before you assume that every single person you meet is just dying to meet someone. Maybe they're happier than you are! Or maybe they aren't, whatever. The take home message is: I will be single until I'm not. I try to keep the door open to all possibilities in life, but right now I would prefer it to be mostly closed. And now the Universe will probably curse me with the Prince or Princess Charming as soon I post this blog.

Animal Rights Reading: The Scalpel and the Butterfly

"Let us work against the principle then; not against personalities. For it [vivisection] is a weed that requires more than seven, or seven times seven of us to extirpate."--Helene Blavatsky to Anna Bonus Kingsford

I am currently reading The Scalpel and the Butterfly: The War Between Animal Research and Animal Protection by Deborah Rudacille. It's interesting how the thread of violence and controversy ran through the animal rights movement even in the nineteenth century. Reading about Anna Kingsford, an early champion of the anti-vivisection and vegetarian movement, putting a death curse on vivisectionists Claude Bernard and Paul Bert sounds eerily familiar. Death threats to researchers are apparently not anything new under the animal rights sun. And neither are personality clashes or hugely public squabbles between big names in the movement. Or sensationalism and in-fighting...even the Victorians were doing it! The clash between Anna Kingsford and Frances Powers Cobbe pre-dated the current "abolitionist" vegan versus "welfarist" vegan schism by over a hundred years. I just don't get the in-fighting in the movement right now at all. Even just seeing a re-tweet of any of Gary Francione's smug abolitionist rants is enough to make me cringe and hit refresh on Twitter. Believe me, if you want to make people NOT want to be vegan or a supporter of animal rights, that is definitely the way to do it.

I think the twelve step ideas of "attraction rather than promotion", "principles before personalities" and "love and tolerance is our code" could go a long way in attracting people to the movement. Although I think I would replace "tolerance" with compassion, since I think that is more to the point. Present the facts in a non-hysterical way if people are interested, don't bait, get preachy or angry and let them decide for themselves. Be the healthiest, happiest vegan activist you can be. Advocate, don't discriminate. Although there is a place and a time for in-your-face protesting, I wonder sometimes if it is actually turning more people off than it is attracting people into the movement. One of the people who was my vegan role model is a dear friend of mine who is an activist and has been a vegan for over 17 years. She is the least preachy vegan I've ever met and an amazing person. She consistently inspired and encouraged me to try being vegan again no matter how many times I fell down...face first into a container of greek yogurt (she teases me about that now!). Her dedication and positive example made me want to be vegan even more.

And before I forget: my family has agreed to have our first ever vegetarian Thanksgiving!!! I am so stoked. Since 1994 I have had my tofurkey all by my lonesome while everyone else ate turkey, but this year we will all be sharing a big vegetarian Italian feast. I think they agreed because I said I would do most of the cooking! Whatever---it feels like a huge exciting victory to me! Even when I had my icky foray back into omnivorous eating, I never ate Thanksgiving turkey again after 1994. That Thanksgiving was my first vegan epiphany, so I am grateful to be able to celebrate this occasion meat-free with my family this year.

Vegan Guide To Sephora, part one

The whole guide is coming soon, I swear! This is a personal pet project of mine, born out of the fact that I totally fracking love Sephora. I am such a girl.

I recently 100% veganized all of my cosmetics at Sephora and it was a very interesting experience. It also inadvertently ended up being an educational experience for me as well as for the awesome sales associate who was helping me (ironically also named Maria: we are legion, and we are taking over the world, bitches!). She didn't know what carmine was and looked like she was about to hurl when I told her that it was red pigment from crushed up beetles. Oh, and did I mention the potential neurotoxin part? I had heard this when I worked for Whole Foods, but I haven't found any information yet to substantiate that claim. I'm working on it, though! Research Science Girl to the rescue... anyway, Maria was awesome and I made sure to compliment her to Sephora. I am a firm believer in the Veganic Pay It Forward: if someone goes way out of their way to really help me find vegan stuff or food, I write a glowing letter to the company ASAP and mention the person by name. I love you, fellow vegans, but some of us are (for lack of a more delicate term) assholes. I've certainly been a hysterical vegan asshole in the past when I was frantically looking for vegan eats and there was nothing to be found but iceberg lettuce and blank stares of incomprehension. It's my karmic duty now to be the most joyful, kind, positive vegan I can be every single day. And it's certainly a hell of a lot more fun than being a dour, angry, jaded, judgemental bizatch.

But I digress. For now, the best bets are Urban Decay, Tarte, a foundation by DuWop and one lip balm by The Balm. I also know for sure that Fresh, Too Faced and LaVanilla also do not test on animals, nor does Benefit (I wrote and asked). I am working on getting vegan listings from them as well as other companies. I also wrote Sephora and asked if they had a list of cruelty-free companies/vegan products. Pretty sure they don't have it, but at least I can let them know that people are interested!

Urban Decay has a handy printable shopping list here:
http://www.urbandecay.com/vegan.cfm

And Tarte does, too---they actually certified their products with PETA (oooh!):
http://tartecosmetics.com/tarte-shop-vegan-cosmetics

Here is a link to The Balm's vegan lip treatment; not only is it vegan, but all proceeds are donated to pug rescue:
http://www.thebalm.com/makeup/rescue.htm

DuWop carries a really nice vegan anti-aging foundation (ahem!). Yeah, I need it. Being over 40 ain't pretty, even if you are vegan and sucking down green smoothies like they're the new crack:
http://shop.duwop.com/foundationofyouth-1.aspx

Too Faced has lovely "teddy bear hair" cruelty-free, synthetic brushes:
http://www.toofaced.com/accessories/makeupbrushes.aspx


That's it for now, but I will post more once I get some further information from the companies I wrote to. Please comment if you have any additional sneaky insider vegan Sephora tips or information!

Vegan Guide To Sephora...

...is coming soon, I swear! I have a wee bit of an, um, obssession with Sephora. I always have had a difficult time

Check Myself Before I Wreck Myself

Deep listening is easier said than done. I work as a nutritional consultant over the phone, and I speak with people from all over the country who have questions about the supplements we sell or just general questions about health, diet and lifestyle. I get way excited when I get to speak with fellow vegans and vegetarians. Most days it's really interesting and some days it's kind of like one of the episodes of Parks & Recreation where Amy Poehler's character is getting irrationally questioned or yelled at during a town hall meeting: "Why doesn't your park have hamburgers? I WANT HAMBURGERS AT MY PARK!" I will admit, sometimes all of the nonsensical questions, endless complaining and negativity really gets to me. I remind myself silently to take a deep breath, to not take it personally and to listen to the person as deeply as I can. No judgement, no thoughts about anything other than what the person is telling me--just be there to 100% listen to and serve that person for how ever long I am on the phone with them. I speak with non-vegans all day, and I work in an office where I am the only vegan/vegetarian. Sometimes I feel very uncomfortable counselling people about non-vegan choices, but I am not getting paid to be Super Vegan. I am getting paid to be helpful. Believe me, I take every opportunity to educate people in making healthy, vegan choices whenever I can. Sometimes it's not so cut and dry, though. And sometimes (though rarely) a 100% vegan life is not appropriate for people.

Case in point: today I had an interesting call from a woman who has a hereditary genetic disorder called fructose intolerance. Her body lacks an enzyme that is necessary in order to break down fructose. Most vegetables and all fruits are off limits to her or she becomes violently ill. When left untreated, HFI can be fatal. She shared with me that she became a vegetarian in college and almost died (!!). She would prefer to be a vegetarian, but she can't. Actually, she would prefer to not have to live her life with a very limited list of foods that she can eat and an extremely long list of things she can't eat, including most supplements. And I thought my shopping trips and restaurant adventures were annoying sometimes? It's far easier to be a vegan, especially these days when even casinos are veganizing their restaurants.

It started as a angry complaint-type conversation where we almost got into an argument. I became defensive and irritated before I heard the whole story about why she was calling. I heard the stress and anger in her voice and I could see how this whole interaction was going to go unless I checked myself. So I took a deep breath and stopped fighting and just listened, thinking, "Hmmm, I wonder what will happen now?". Curious and friendly: you almost can't go wrong if you keep that in your heart. Any time my curiosity starts to get edged out, I know I am in trouble.

It ended up being a great conversation where I not only learned a lot from her about her condition and ended up with her being happy and thankful, but I was able to also learn something about my listening skills. Although I think of myself as an excellent listener, I loooove to be right when it comes to so-called scientific facts. Occasionally the evil debate bug bites me and I want to intellectually duel someone until I "win" the debate. Not useful. I'm not a motherfucking lawyer. I'm a nutritional consultant who happens to be a vegan and a half assed student of Buddhism. Extending compassion to all sentient beings does not include giving them an intellectual beat down. What Would The Buddha Do? Maybe drink a nice hot cup of STFU. Smile, breathe and listen. Be a witness. Be humble. Be open. And definitely be curious.

In honor of the Vegan MoFo

Here's what I am eating today...So not exciting, but vegan!

B: green smoothie (genuine health vegan protein, hemp milk, raspberries, pineapple juice, spinach, fiber powder) coffee with coconut creamer
S: cliff builder bar
L: green beans, red peppers, 2 boca faux chicken patties, peach oolong tea
S: soy delicious yogurt with 2 T of hemp seeds, cranberry green tea
D: buddha's delight with a ton of veggies and tofu and...more tea!

Going home to do some much needed yoga tonight. I got a new Jivamukti DVD. A little scared of it. Will have to report back on how scary or not scary it is!

Tastebuds Are Mysterious Things Indeed: Confessions of a Junk Food Junkie

In the past, I couldn't stay vegan and off of junk food for long enough to experience this new phenomenon that's taking me by surprise: my tastebuds are doing weird shit. Normally, I wouldn't even think twice about scarfing down some soy ice cream or an entire bag of Tings or potato chips with vegan ranch dip. I should have had stock in Uncle Eddie's and Liz Lovely's. And now, suddenly, everything tastes too greasy, too salty or too sweet. What the fuck? I don't even like adding salt to my food anymore. I used to have all of this different fancy salt I was hooked on and now I don't even like it! I bought some smoked salt last week and tasted it and immediately decided to take it to work and give it away. I'm enjoying simple, healthy, whole foods. It's scaring me! Now I dream of green smoothies and brussels sprouts and kale and sweet potatoes and quinoa and beans...when I first tried to go vegan in 1994, I would have thrown a full blown, beer fueled tantrum if anyone had tried to feed me kale. All I wanted was a very convincing version of vegan queso dip and I wanted it yesterday, goddamn it! I did eat salad, but mostly I lived on falafel, french fried and vegan junk food. And beer. Things are definitely different now. I am known as "the healthy eater" at work, which continues to shock the hell out of me. If I can change, then believe me, anyone can.

Bespoke Butchery: When Locavores Go Wild

When I was in NYC this past May, my wonderful BFF told me about a very disturbing new trend in The City: bespoke butchery. The hottest, newest thing are restaurants who bring in cattle from more local spots and butcher them right in the basement. I recently saw a post by Erik Marcus on vegan.com that mentioned something equally as nauseating: butchery parties. People pay money to learn how to butcher their own meat. The Back Forty restaurant in NYC (one of the ones mentioned as part of the "bespoke butchery" trend) offered a class where people learn the delicate art of Porchetta 101: deboning a pig, leaving its head on, tying it up and roasting it. The pictures look like a really bad Nine Inch Nails video. And I thought those godawful sex toy parties were scary? Man, I'll take suburban housewives waving dildoes in my face over dismembering a pig any day. But hey, it was "locally and responsibly raised on a small farm." I'm sure that made the pig feel a hell of a lot better in the end. I don't think painting slaughter with pretty faux spiritual colors and dressing it up in the golden glow of "local and sustainable" makes it any more palatable. The best way to honor an animal is not to eat it from ears to hooves; the best way to honor an animal is to not kill it in the first place! Maybe I am just missing a hunting/butchering/killing gene.